Chapter Two: In Which I Strike Down the Unrighteous Infidels

The background information required to understand this piece revolves primarily around the fact that we have two dogs living in our household. One of them is Kenya - a mixed breed Belgian Waffle Dog. She's been with us most of her 14 years and is as well behaved as you only wish most of the insufferable rug rats a lot of people are raising today were. The other dog is Mr. Basset. He is a purebred basset hound who came to us from a basset rescue society, as he was no longer welcome in his original home.

In most ways, Mr. Basset is a likable chap with more personality than you should be able to fit into such a short beast. Of late, though, he has developed some alarming habits which all center around his food. Now, our pets get top notch pet food. (The cats, too.) The dogs get wet food every day in the afternoon when medicine is distributed (discretely tucked into lumps of cream cheese) and for the rest of the time there is nutritious dry dog food available in a big dish next to their water. For roughly eight months, Mr. Basset ate this dry food when he had the urge for a little nosh without complaint or comment. That was until roughly two weeks ago.

Now, each evening around the time that Mr. Basset rolls off the couch and waddles over the bowl for a snack, instead of eating the food quietly, he stands in front of the dish and barks. Loudly. After this vocal demonstration concludes, he paws at the dish until he finally overturns it, emptying the dry food out onto the carpet and leaving the dish upside down. At this point he eats the food off the carpet.

At first I thought he no longer liked the brand of dog food being served. Georg ran out and purchased a bag of even more expensive dog food to try as a substitute. No change. The nightly ritual of bark - bark - overturn - eat continued. (Kenya cheerfully eats whatever is put down.)

It was only yesterday that I realized the problem. Each morning, when I begin work, I turn on CNN Headline News with Robin Meade (could the woman look any hotter for a cable network news anchor? I think not. And she has a dog also.) and keep it on in the background while I work. Mr. Basset often naps on the couch while I do this. But is he really napping?

There have been a series of stories over the past month about pet food from China having been found to contain antifreeze, arsenic, old school bus tires, cardboard and all manner of other substances not normally found in the dairy aisle at your grocery store. Georg immediately checked every type of pet food in the house, discarded any that were questionable, and made sure we purchased no pet foods from China. Sadly, I think this fact is lost on Mr. Basset. Clearly, while pretending to nap, he has been watching Robin Meade (and let's face it... who wouldn't?) and hearing all of these stories. He's worried that we're poisoning him with ground glass and hafnium laced pet food.

I have no other choice left. I must blame the Chinese. (See Chapter one for the initial revelation that (The CHINESE!!!) are to blame for most of my woes.) So that's it. I'm going to become a ...

... a....

SINOPHOBE! (There's your new word for today, and thank The Google that I was able to dredge it up.) So come on, all you Sinophobes.. let's band together and get those rat bastards who are making our basset hounds bark at and overturn their dishes! YEEEEE HAW! (Insert random gun noises here.)

Tomorrow: I make a rare excursion outside my home and meet a young child who prompts me to call for the forced sterilization of all American couples.

Chapter One: In Which I Become a Homophobe

(NOTE: The One True Tami [blessed be Her name] if off on temporary assignment fomenting a fashion revolution in Uganda, employing Manolo Blahniks shoes for the masses and new styles of high tech hair coloring never before seen in third world nations. In her absence I shall be keeping you abreast of important information you need to know about me.)

Just this week, Netflix sent me a DVD with the first two episodes of the HBO series, Big Love. I'll confess that I was a tad disappointed, as I've been waiting with worms on my tongue [1] for the rest of the DVDs of the third season of Deadwood. I'd only put Big Love on there because I was running out of things to watch and a couple people had mentioned that it was good.


The usual evening online chat was well underway with a few of my friends when I mentioned this tidbit of information. My friends Marianne and Gary were of two different minds upon hearing of my latest viewing excursion.

M: How are you liking it so far? That show rocks!

G: Oh, Dude. No. Don't start watching that shit, man.

J: No? Why? I mean, I realize that polygamy is a pretty controversial subject, but it's got some good characters. Seems pretty well written so far, anyway.

G: Man. No. Listen, the women never get naked but you end up staring at Bill Paxton's big naked butt all the time.

M: You've got a problem with Bill Paxton's butt? He's pretty hot, actually.

J: Well, I don't think that's really the point of the show. But yeah, I can see where women might find him to be pretty easy on the eyes.

G: !

G: WTF??!?

J: What? No, I mean...

G: Man. What the fuck is up with that? Something you ain't telling us? Yer pink thong cutting off circulation to the brain there, dude? ROFL

J: No, I'm not saying *I'm* attracted to him. I'm just saying..

The rest of the conversation was pointless, but Gary had certainly gotten me to thinking. I mean, what IS up with that? I'm enjoying the show, the women never take their clothes off but I'm watching Bill Paxton's ass? What would the guys down at the gym be saying in the locker room when word of this gets out?

(OK... that's purely hypothetical as I'm rather sedentary in my habits, have never belonged to a gym and have a germ phobia about public showers... but you get my drift.)

Well that, as they say, was the liquid conveyance tube that fractured the dromedary's spinal column. I decided right then and there that it was high time I stopped putting up with this country's pervasive, subversive gay agenda. Who do these gays think they are, anyway? Look at what's happening to us! Now they've got me staring at Bill Paxton's ass! I was going to become a homophobe.

"But wait," I thought to myself. "Why stop there?"

Indeed. This entire culture of progressive acceptance is simply getting to be too much to bear. I mean, we're spending our time running around, trying to treat everyone with equality, not be pointlessly mean to people based solely on a dizzying range of reductive factors... it's exhausting! All of this tolerance is enough to make any decent progressive tip off for a quick lie down. Perhaps I'd given the Old White Boy's Club (TM) agenda short shrift in the past. Why, I might be overlooking a whole host of opportunities to make my life easier!

First I considered becoming a racist bigot. But while it certainly offers a lot of attractive incentives, (the opportunity to dress up in designer sheets on warm summer evenings hardly the least of them) I quickly realized that most of the black guys I work with are considerably younger than me and in really good physical shape. They'd probably drive me into the ground like a tent stake. That plan, sadly, had to be abandoned.

But how about scorning and abusing the disabled? Say.... this might have some merit. Let's face it, not many of them are going to be coming to beat me up. The only problem there is, a lot of them tend to have black friends. Hrmm... back to the tent stake scenario. This may take a bit more thought.

Then it hit me. Of course! I'll become an anti-Semite! I'll just start hating the Jews! How hard could it be? And you know how those Jews are, right? They secretly own everything worth having and they control Hollywood. Bastards.

And, conveniently enough, I have a Jew handy to put my new philosophies to work on... Tami! I've never been able to get any of my movies from Send Sardines Please Productions into the theatres, and Tami has never been one lick of help.

Jazz: Umm, Tami. I can't get any traction for my short films. Do you think you could put in a good word someplace so I can get a foot in the door with those elitist Hollywood dickheads?

Tami: What? I work in Information Technology. I don't know the first thing about movies or anyone in that business.

Aha! Stop and think about it for a moment. If you were part of a super secret, powerful cabal who controlled Hollywood and somebody came up and asked you about it, what's the first thing you would do? You'd deny it, of course! Proof positive and case closed. I'll be a homophobic anti-Semite. And if I happen to find any gay Jews, well... Katey bar the door. I'll have a stiff tongue lashing for you. (But... you know... not in a gay, fellatio or cunnilingus kind of way, of course.)

Stupid gay Jews. There... I feel better already. Now I have to go. The mailman is coming in about twenty minutes and with any luck I'll be watching Deadwood and eating some very manly left over Chinese food in no time.

No! Wait!.... THE CHINESE!!!!!!

[1] "Worms on my tongue" means "..with baited breath." I really hope you didn't need to read this to get that reference.

Adios, Amigos

It's that time of year again when I beat it for parts unknown. OK< I know the parts pretty well, but I'm still vamoosing until the 13th. I've left Jazz the keys to keep the 12 of you amused.

Enjoy! I'll be all relaxed and happy when I get back.

I Claim this Chest in the Name of Spain

Russian sub plants flag under North Pole

MOSCOW (Reuters) - Russian explorers dived deep below the North Pole in a submersible on Thursday and planted a national flag on the seabed to stake a symbolic claim to the energy riches of the Arctic.

But Canada mocked Russia's ambitions and said the expedition was nothing more than a show.

"This isn't the 15th century. You can't go around the world and just plant flags and say 'We're claiming this territory'," Canadian Foreign Minister Peter MacKay told CTV television.

Under international law, the five states with territory inside the Arctic Circle -- Canada, Norway, Russia, the United States and Denmark via its control of Greenland -- have a 320 km (200 mile) economic zone around the north of their coastline.

Russia is claiming a larger slice extending as far as the pole because, Moscow says, the Arctic seabed and Siberia are linked by one continental shelf.

Soviet and U.S. nuclear submarines have often traveled under the polar icecap, but no one had reached the seabed under the Pole, where depths exceed 4,000 meters (13,100 feet).

OK, silly flag-planting-posturing aside, it's pretty cool that they could get down there to even try this stunt. I figure that international lawyers will work out who gets the rights to what undersea coastline, but I'm impressed with the technological feat itself.

Right Side Out

Ted Stevens is being investigated for corruption, specifically, unreported income.

OK, I'm in favor of people under suspicion of corruption being investigated, and all, so that's good. The thing is, I always thought that Ted Stevens was just too bat-shit crazy to actually be breaking the law. I'm stunned that investigators actually found enough evidence to get a warrant.

Hollow Victory

You know how sometimes I say that I'm good at stuff? You know, like, "I'm a good singer", or, "I really like to bake", or, as in the case of the shrimp-and-goat-cheese experiment "I am a genius"? Well, today I'd like to officially announce that I SUCK at wood-working projects. Not even real wood working projects, just basic assembly.

I bought a lovely chair from bestadirondackchair.com. The web site said that it comes 85% assembled, and included easy instructions. OK, the instructions weren't so bad, but if that was 85% assembled, then WHY WAS THE BACK OF THE CHAIR IN 11 PIECES?! I had to put the 8 back slats together with the 3 brackets. I did not do a very good job. I'm kinda pissed off, because it was not a cheap chair. Yes, it looks lovely now that it's put together, but it took me 7 hours to do, with 2 breaks. First break was for lunch and to go buy a 1/2 inch ratchet bit, because apparently I only had up to 7/16 in the house, and the second was to have dinner and watch a movie. I rented Little Miss Sunshine, which probably had a fine ending, but the disk froze and I can't yet say for sure.

So what I'm saying is, my Sunday was not the easy restful day that I'd hoped it would be, and I suck at putting together furniture.

Perhaps They Read Skippy

Democrats Request Perjury Probe of Gonzales

"We ask that you immediately appoint an independent special counsel from outside the department of justice to determine whether attorney general Gonzales may have misled congress or perjured himself in testimony before congress," they wrote.

Personally, I'm at a point where I'm actually more outraged by the half-truths than I am by the idea that the firings were unjustified. If you lie under oath, you're supposed to be punished. It's the law. I applaud senators Schumer, Feinstein & Feingold for authoring this letter.

If You Can't Do the Time

We know what perjury means, and what the consequences are supposed to be, right?

Memo Refutes Gonzales' Surveillance Testimony
Documents obtained by AP contradict attorney general's sworn statement

The documents underscore questions about Gonzales' credibility as senators consider whether a perjury investigation should be opened into conflicting accounts about the program and a dramatic March 2004 confrontation leading up to its potentially illegal reauthorization.

There are conflicting accounts in sworn testimonies. What is there to consider? Someone is being untruthful, and an investigation is the way to find out who is telling the truth. Why do we not take action?

Making a Committment

Not everyone has the nerve to commit to insulting a president in an out-and-out manner, but Scott Adams wins even more of my love with yesterday's post:

President Bush recently had some polyps removed from his colon. Sometimes polyps can turn cancerous, but I doubt his are. After all, President Bush hasn’t had much luck finding weapons of ass destruction.

I’m posting this now before someone else thinks of it. I might already be too late.

And allow me to be the first to wonder aloud how the surgeons could see past Condi’s head to see those polyps.

This is one of those once-in-a-lifetime humor situations. You can play along at home. Leave a comment with your own best joke about the president’s semi-colon.

Go.

OCD

Anyone else finish the Harry Potter book, yet?

Maybe I'm Just Tired

Maybe I'm tired, maybe I'm old, maybe I'm just starting to hate war and violence so universally that I want it all to end no matter what, I'm not sure. I do know that today when I was reading this article about Israel tying to work with Fatah: Israel frees scores of Palestinian prisoners, all I could think about is how I want it all to stop already. I've only been thinking about it since I was a teenager, and it's been going on since England carved the region up like this. People have been living with this for years and years, and yet, the animosity never dies, never fades. I read the final paragraph,

It is years since Israel and the Palestinians last discussed issues at the heart of the conflict -- borders of a Palestinian state, the return of refugees and the status of Jerusalem.

and I thought to myself, "Just give them the right of return, already". No thoughts to the fact that it would upset the people who have bought that land for themselves, no thought to how the governments could actually organize such a massive undertaking, no thought about how it would incite more violence if Palestinians actually came to *live* on land that they'd (or most likely their parents had) been displaced from, now Israeli land. Nope, I just thought "Fine, give it to them already, if it will stop the shooting".

Of course it will not stop the shooting. This continues to make me tired.

News I Wasn't Expecting

From the Jewish Press "Quick Takes: News From Israel You May Have Missed":

A confidential medical report released to the Palestinian Authority from the French hospital in which Yasir Arafat died revealed that the Palestinian leader succumbed to AIDS, said the founder and leader of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine-General Command terrorist group.

Ahmed Jibril – the infamous, Damascus-based PFLP chief who at times was a close Arafat confidante – said in an interview with Hizbullah's Al-Manar television that PA President Mahmoud Abbas and his team told him the French medical report listed AIDS as Arafat's cause of death.

Arafat died Nov. 11, 2004, at a military hospital in Paris. The official cause of death was not released because French law prohibits distribution of medical records to anyone other than immediate family. A copy of Arafat's medical report was obtained in 2005 by the PA as part of an internal investigation into Arafat's death.

You know, I just didn't see that one coming.

Just did a quick Google search and saw that they blogged about this on Little Green Footballs. No wonder I hadn't heard.

It's About Consistency, Baby

What DBK said.

I could care less about your parts if your parts aren't involved in making legal decisions. If they are...

Simple Question

I got this in my email today, from CNN:

-- Al Qaeda is stepping up efforts to sneak terrorists into the U.S. and has rebuilt most of its capability to strike here, an intelligence estimate states, according to The Associated Press.

So if intelligence estimates this, are we doing something to prepare for it? Counter measures, perhaps?

You never hear about that part. It's as if they're trying to scare the poop out of us. If they weren't, they'd end with a line like "Authorities nationwide prepare to defend against the threat". Completely non-specific, yet totally optimistic. But they don't say that, which is why I believe that they're going with the "fear sells" concept.

Great, now I'm thinking of the dramatic chipmunk.

chuppah4

chuppah4
Originally uploaded by tryaches

The chuppah quilt from my sister's wedding.

Security Blanket, Moths

Many Homeland Security Positions Vacant
"Gaping hole" in nation's preparedness, congressional report says

In an interview, Thompson said that vacancies have weakened morale and reflect an over-reliance on contractors. He also called the report a warning "that we can expect more vacancies to occur than what we have been accustomed to" at the close of the administration, when many top personnel will leave their posts.

What, there's no one to do these jobs? Are we out of administration cronies? Is all of Halliburton taking the summer off?

The concept that administration cronies will simply get up and leave when their preferred bosses do makes me feel vindicated in my ire, but pretty fucking hopeless about security in the next few years. We're substandard now, and we will be for a good while until a reality-based administration gets its toehold and can get working.

Once again, I wonder if I should buy a gun.

And Then, Reality

Sometimes, people write reviews in which they interpret the item they're reviewing.

Sometimes, the author sees the review, and lets them know they're just wrong.

(hat tip Tata)

My Saturday Night's Planned

Worst. Synopsis. Ever.*

And yet...


I love me some Kevin Sorbo. I made it through most of "Andromeda", I can make it through this.

* The plot itself doesn't sound so bad, but that is one poorly written synopsis. Brevity, people!

Report

My sister looked awesome.
You're not reading that right if you didn't hear my voice go all high and quavery on the last word.

I suppose the groom looked good, too. Does anyone ask that?

Been Tagged!

I have been tagged by the Truffle. Because this makes me feel loved, I participate. It's sad how I crave the approval of strangers, really.

THE RULES

1. All right, here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I am single, but I wanted to get married when I was quite young. It did not work out.
2. I avoided taking any math classes at all in College, and now I'm a web developer. I use some sort of math every day.
3. My college degree is in Hebraic Studies. Rutgers really lets people major in that.
4. I was involved in a sketch comedy radio show on WRSU for some years. I still keep in touch with many of those people.
5. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a psychologist.
6. I drive a Ford Escape. The higher car makes it much easier on my arthritic knees.
7. I'm a medieval re-creationist, and a card-carrying member of the SCA.
8. I am not a natural redhead. I have no idea how people ever think that I am, since my hair color doesn't occur in nature.

I Get Some Emails!

Someone sent me this, since I care about CFL's.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Maine Public Utilities Commission
242 State Street Augusta, Maine 04333-0018
Website: http://www.maine.gov/mpuc/
CONTACT: Nicole Clegg, 207-287-8519, 207-310-0123 (cell)
Nicole.Clegg@maine.gov


Efficiency Maine and Maine DEP Launch First in the Nation Statewide CFL
Recycling Program


HOLDEN, Maine (June 14, 2006) - The Maine Public Utilities Commission (PUC),
which administers the Efficiency Maine program, today launched a statewide
recycling program for compact fluorescent lights (CFLs) in partnership with
Maine Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) ­ the first of its kind
in the country. The launch of the ŒReplace Reduce Recycle¹ program is
designed to make it as easy as possible for Maine consumers to bring
burned-out CFLs to a local participating retail store for recycling. More
than 100 stores, from Fort Kent to Wells, are already participating in the
recycling program and new stores are signing up every day.

³Both the PUC and the DEP are committed to ensuring that all fluorescent
lights are properly recycled, which is why we have jointly created this
program, the first of its kind in the US,² stated PUC Chairman Kurt Adams.
³It is our hope that this program will serve as a model for the rest of the
country.²

CFLs give off high-quality light using a fraction of the electricity used by
traditional bulbs. CFLs are four times more efficient, use 50 to 80 percent
less energy and last up to 10 times longer than traditional bulbs. CFLs
require recycling because they contain trace amounts of mercury, an amount
as small as a drop of ink on the head of a pen.

³Using CFLs in your home is far more environmentally beneficial than using a
traditional light bulb,² continued Adams. ³The benefits of reducing
electricity generation from power plants far outweigh any risk associated
with the small amount of mercury inside a CFL.²

Replacing a single traditional bulb with a CFL can keep a half-ton of carbon
dioxide (CO2) out of the atmosphere. If every household in the US used
energy-efficient lighting, 90 average-size power plants could be retired.
Saving electricity reduces greenhouse gases including CO2 emissions, sulfur
oxide, high-level nuclear waste, and the release of pollutants such as
mercury into the air.

In 2004, Maine residential energy consumption resulted in the release of
over 3,761,300,000 pounds of greenhouse gases and other pollutants. The
amount of greenhouse gases resulting from Maine's energy consumption has
grown more than 10 percent in the past ten years. Switching to CFLs reduces
the release of these greenhouse gases and Œcarbon pollution,¹ which
contributes to global warming.

The launch of the recycling program has also prompted a careful review of
the guidelines for handling a broken CFL.

³Our initial review confirms that cleaning up a broken CFL is easy, does not
present any immediate health risks and should not be cause for alarm,²
explained DEP Commissioner David Littell. ³Again, the environmental benefits
of switching to CFLs far outweigh any potential risk of a broken CFL in the
home.²

The U.S. Department of Environmental Protection and the Maine DEP are
expected to conclude their analysis and clarify the guidelines for handling
a broken CFL in the coming weeks. The Maine PUC and the DEP will update
their websites for Maine consumers and the information will be available at
participating retailers. A complete listing of participating stores can be
found online at: www.efficiencymaine.com .

###

Efficiency Maine is a statewide effort to promote the more efficient use of
electricity, help Maine residents and businesses reduce electricity costs
and improve Maine¹s environment. For more information on the contest or
energy efficiency, visit the PUC¹s Efficiency Maine website at
www.efficiencymaine.com or call
1-866-ESMAINE.

I Thought We Were Getting Somewhere

That'll teach me to think.

Middle East Mediators Discuss Blair Appointment

Seriously? Why aren't you kidding me?

However, Hamas said Blair was not welcome because of his role in supporting U.S.-led wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Um, yes.

Many Arabs see the Bush administration as biased against the Palestinians.

See, now this is the place where I thought we might be making progress ("we", being the entire world). I don't believe that the Bush administration should still be speaking for us as a country, but sadly, they are. Even so, no one can deny that Palestinian violence has been escalating as a direct result of Israel pulling out of Gaza. Sure, Israel's pulled some awful stunts, anti-humanitarian wise over the years, I can't deny that any more than people can deny that a region under the influence of the Israeli government remains more stable than the crazy-ass horse shit going on between Fatah and Hamas. And whoever else wants to kidnap people, line people up in the streets to shoot them, and use 6-year-old boys to carry bombs.

That is *not* status quo for Israel, don't you even try to tell me that they're just as bad.

OK, I've gotten off point. Blair has the reputation of being Bush's lap dog, and Bush has the reputation of being a complete moron about international affairs and the middle east. I'm going to go ahead and say that I think that appointing Blair as an envoy to the middle east is a stupid idea.

Why I am a Genius

Friday night I defrosted a bag of frozen shrimp for a pasta dish. Yesterday when raiding the fridge for leftovers that could be made into lunch, I found the leftover shrimp, a 4-ounce container of honey lavender goat cheese, and leftover roasted asparagus. I chopped things, mixed them up, and drizzled the concoction with balsamic vinegar.

I am going to go eat this, right now. I am a genius.

Disclaimer

That dress is a bridesmaid's dress, not a bridal gown. If I don't know what gown I'm wearing 2 weeks before my own wedding, that will mean it's because my own wedding is in Vegas, and I'm possibly contemplating how much the annulment will cost.

Yeah, So What?

Yes, I'm working my personal issues out here on the blog instead of using it for it's intended purpose of discussing current events and political issues, what's it to ya?

Last night the woman who owns the bridal boutique finally called me. Apparently, I signed something that says that if the dress doesn't match the extra fabric, too bad. I wasn't taking that lying down. Neither was the lovely, tiny woman who owns the dress shop. Watters & Watters will be making me a new dress (in the same style) custom fit to my measurements. None of my measurements are on their size charts, but I could give a damn. They will have the dress done no later than next Thursday, the 28th, and they will overnight it to Sara for the 29th. In theory, this is all fine.

I am SO glad I bought that back-up dress.

Now For the Real Stress

I'm so happy that dad's home and annoying the crap out of me instead of scaring the crap out of me.

Staring Through the Window at History Happening

Israel attacks Gaza, Abbas forms a new emergency Palestinian government.

The United States and European Union pledged on Monday to lift an economic and diplomatic embargo imposed on the Palestinian Authority in March 2006 when Hamas rose to power and refused to drop its refusal to recognize Israel.

Israel is making noises about working with the situation instead of simply defending against it.

As an initial gesture, Olmert has promised to release Palestinian tax revenues withheld since Hamas came to power. He said after the White House talks he would ask his cabinet at its next meeting on Sunday to approve the release of the funds.

Palestinians are not of the disposition to trust this.

Fatah leaders question Olmert's willingness to negotiate with them. Abbas's national security chief, Mohammad Dahlan, told Reuters on Tuesday: "Israel is releasing money not because they are honorable but they just want to entrench the divide between the West Bank and Gaza."

Leaders are attempting to form and mold the molten material that is the Middle East. There will be a new sculpture when they're done, and I, for one, am curious to see what it will be shaped like. Will it be all harmonious curves, or all jagged, sharp edges? Of course I expect the final product to be a combination of both, but I'm hoping for a structure that has enough smooth surfaces for many to grasp without hurting themselves any more than they already have been.

Who would have thought that more fighting would give me hope? Who would have thought that after everything that's happened lately in both the broader world and in my own private life that I'd remain an optimist?

Good News Day

My leg is bending when I walk! This is major!

Also, Dad informs me that this morning his blood count is up over 9 again, and that they will most likely let him go home today. Other than the fact that I have his keys and he can't get into the house, that's great.

I am so excited to get back to worrying about happy things, again, like whether or not I'll have a bridesmaid's dress in time for the wedding. I'm guessing yes, because I purchased an emergency back-up dress. Now that I've shelled out another 200 bucks, the original dress should work out fine.

One thing I haven't done is decided what song to sing at the wedding. I know my sister wants me to sing something, but she's not even giving me a genre to work with. Tata suggested "Ride Like the Wind", but I'm thinking that it would be too hard to find the karaoke disk for. OK, that's not the real reason I'm not singing that. Anybody have any suggestions that won't give me cavities? My dad's best suggestion was "Evergreen", and that's not even close to something that Andrea would want to hear.

Seriously, I need help with this.

Someone Take the Cow Home

I feel like a house that's been hit by a twister. Dad's blood count is down, they may release him from the hospital. He doesn't actually have hemolytic anemia, it's possible that he does have internal bleeding, after all. They lowered his steroid dosage and I had no idea. They may release him? I don't want a man with a blood count lower than 10 walking around an empty house. What if it drops suddenly and he passes out? I can tell you now that he *will* resist the idea of a visiting nurse.

I'm going to call the hospital and find out if dad has a social worker assigned to his case.

Sentimental Journey

I am so corny and sentimental that I hardly even recognize me. And all I want to talk about on my blog is me and my life? Add "self-centered" to the list, I guess.

Yesterday morning I got myself dressed, packed up about 12 DVDs, some dental floss, and my cane, and headed out to Barnes and Noble. Not that I like them best, but they're a big book store that sells gift cards, and that was my goal. I purchased 3 interesting periodicals (Popular Science, Scientific American, & Newsweek), a lovely canvas bag, and a gift card, and hauled my ass back to the car. Might I say, shopping while injured is *so* much easier when I bring the cane. Not only is it there to actually lean on, but when people see it, they're much nicer to me than if I was just dragging my leg behind me like some sort of pirate.

Of course, what I really want is to not need it. I'm getting there.

Dad just called. Seems that if the hemotologist/oncologists agree, he can come home today or tomorrow. That's the best news I could get.

Politics Paragraph

I want to state my feelings about the violence in Gaza. I mean, I still care more about how my dad is doing, but that stuff counts, too. I've heard people say things like "let them all wipe each other out, that works for me", and "I can't believe what animals the Palestinians are". I want to make it clear that I do not feel anger towards all Palestinians - I only resent and dislike the ones who commit acts of violence. Right now there are a lot people in Gaza who are holed up in their homes wishing for a day that they can walk to the market without fearing for their lives. Those people I feel terrible for, and I wish for them a measure of peace, as soon as possible.

Good News, Bad News

Last night my dad looked a lot better. He was sitting in a chair instead of laying in the bed, and he informed me that he made it a few steps into the hallway with a walker when the ladies from physical therapy came to call. People assure me that he should be able to get back up to the physical level he was at last week, and perhaps even better than that with a guided exercise program.

He has a gym membership, and I know he uses the treadmills, but I suspect that he wasn't using the weight machines to their full advantage because he "doesn't want to get all sweaty". *sigh*

The bad news is that he really doesn't seem to be completely himself, mentally. I don't mean that he's unable to understand us, or that he has trouble recognizing people or anything, but he's unaware of things he's done, like when he moves an item. I also think that his habit of repeating the same idea or story is much more pronounced, now. Maybe that's just good old fashioned fear of mortality making him babble, though. It's still a bit early to tell.

Here's hoping that he makes it into a regular room with a phone, today. Cell phone use isn't allowed in the ICU, so I've been unreachable for hours at a time these past few days. I'm just not used to that, any more.

All Apologies

I know, I just keep writing about what's wrong with me and saying I'm sorry. The truth is that I just haven't been able to keep up with the work of expressing my political opinions eloquently with all the crap that's been going on with my family this year.

Hoping that the whole "the personal is the political" thing might possibly apply to me and mine, I'll let the world know what's going on with me, even when I haven't told the guy sitting next to me here in the office.

I had to take my dad to the emergency room on Tuesday. I really should have taken him Monday night, but I was afraid, and I made a bad judgement call. Lucky for me, that didn't kill him, and we got him there on Tuesday. His hemoglobin count, which for a healthy adult male is 13.5-17, and which for him was a week ago 10.5, plummeted down to 3.9. It was 5.9 when I brought him to the hospital, and dropped a bit more before they started giving him blood. He has a blood disorder, so he always runs low, but not like this. He's now tested positive for something called hemolysis, and they're treating him with steroids, but it's still possible that he's got a lower GI bleed happening, as well.

I'm really worried, and of course I'm heading over there (St. Peter's) after work today. The doctor said that they might be moving him out of the MICU and into a regular room, so that would be good news.

I'm still limping badly from my hip problem and I don't have what it takes, physically, to take care of a sick dad. This sucks.

I look forward to caring more about Hamas fighting Fatah than about who's going to take care of the laundry and can Dad sign checks to pay the bills.

Complete Lack of Trust

Bush hopes U.S.-Russia shield talks beneficial

SOFIA (Reuters) - President George W. Bush said on Monday said he hoped that a plan for U.S. and Russian experts to analyze each other's proposal for a missile defense shield would be beneficial.

"There's a process where we can collaborate, share information in a very transparent way which I think will be beneficial," for hopefully designing systems that "protect us all," Bush said.

Bush reiterated that he had told Russian President Vladimir Putin in talks at the Group of Eight summit in Germany last week that: "I simply do not view Russia as an enemy."

Well, hell. I see this, and I want to run somewhere. There is, sadly, nowhere to go.

Since I don't believe a damn word that GWB utters in public, I have now become resigned to the future Cold War II.

Out of Alignment

I report on my own health today, and what I've been doing instead of blogging.

My health: I have something called "Sacrum dysfunction". One of my hips is higher than the other, which is not normal for me. This has caused some thingy to be pulled away from something that it normally touches, and this is bad, and causes much pain. It is, as the kids say, "teh suck". The solution is to put a thingy (a completely different thingy than the one in my hip) in my shoe to fix my gait, and painkillers. I am enjoying the painkillers very much. Tramadol is my new best friend.

What I've been doing: My sister's bridal shower was this past Sunday. It was terrific! Of course the centerpiece cake that I had planned got completely ruined, because, hey, *you* try baking 3 cakes in one day when you keep wondering if the pain shooting down your leg is going to make you vomit. Still, no one knew that there was supposed to be one, so the individual orange cakes in bittersweet ganache, the almond cupcakes with lemon frosting, the bakery cookies, the sugar-free-crustless cheesecake, and the chocolate cake with raspberry and chocolate frosting seemed like a complete set. OK, I'm bragging because I baked a lot of yummy stuff. The friends who helped me decorate were invaluable, and I couldn't have finished what I did without the help of my sister. Good thing that party wasn't a surprise.

So, back to my health - Sunday night I was in no condition to watch the Democrats debate. Tell me, who do *you* think won?

WCTC in New Brunswick asked people to call in yesterday with the answer to this question: "If the election were tomorrow, who would you vote for?". The people who called in to say that they'd vote for Al Gore pissed me off. Maybe at some point he will announce that he's running, I can't say. I can say that tomorrow, he wouldn't be on the ballot. I guess they could write him in...

*sigh*

Holy Crap

My "Alpha Dog" of the week is the guy who wrestled the sick leopard and won. In his underwear, no less. That's one tough guy - I've slept in the desert, it's way too cold to sleep without pants.

So Continental!

Now I'm getting phishing scams in German!
At least, I think it is. My German skills are both Yiddish-based and terribly pathetic:

Thieler Rechtsanwaltsgesellschaft mbH
Am Perlachberg 3
86150 Augsburg
Letzte Mahnung


Aktenzeichen: 551354/12
Osnabrück, den 21.05.2007

Bitte geben Sie Ihr Aktenzeichen bei jeglichem Schriftverkehr und Zahlungen immer an.


Sehr geehrte Mitglied,

hiermit zeige ich die Interessenvertretung der Firma INTcom GmbH, Vor der Hube 3, D 64571 Büttelborn an.
Ordnungsgemäße Bevollmächtigung wird anwaltlich versichert. Meine Mandantschaft macht gegen Sie folgende Forderung geltend:

Rechnung vom 29.04.2007 aus Dienstleistungsvertrag mit der Rechnungsnummer R191672 für die Anmeldung vom 29.04.2007 um 14:51 Uhr auf der Internetseite PayForFun . de mit folgender IP: 217.538.481.01.

Sie schulden meiner Mandantschaft daher 67,42 EUR.

Da Sie sich in Verzug befinden, sind Sie gegenüber meiner Mandantschaft verpflichtet, die durch meine Tätigkeit entstandenen Gebühren zu erstatten.
Dazu kommt noch der Mahnungsgebühr in höhe von 5 Euro

Das Originalrechnung sowie auch die Beweismittel finden Sie im Anhang.
Bitte behalten Sie das Original Rechnung unbedingt für Ihre Unterlagen.


Liquidation:

1,3 Geschäftsgebühr, Nr. 2300 VV 78,50 EUR

Auslagenpauschale, Nr. 7002 VV 6,50 EUR

Der von Ihnen zu zahlende Gesamtbetrag beläuft sich somit auf 13,00 EUR.

Ich fordere Sie auf, den Gesamtbetrag, innerhalb einer Frist von 3 Tagen, also bis zum 27.05.2007 (hier eingehend) auszugleichen.

Bitte überweisen Sie diesen Betrag auf das unten angegebene Konto. Sollte der Gesamtbetrag nicht fristgerecht eingehen, werde ich meiner Mandantschaft empfehlen, die Forderung ohne weitere außergerichtliche Ankündigung, gerichtlich geltend zu machen, wodurch weitere Kosten zu Ihren Lasten entstehen.

Wir möchten in diesem Zusammenhang auf die bereits ergangenen Urteile verweisen, welche Sie auf der Internetseite www . forderungseinzug . de einsehen können.

Bei der Anmeldung auf oben genannter Internetseite wurde die zu diesem Zeitpunkt übermittelte IP-Adresse gespeichert. Die IP-Adresse ermöglicht den Strafverfolgungsbehörden, im Falle einer strafrechtlichen Ermittlung, die Identifikation des PC's, der zum Zeitpunkt der Anmeldung genutzt wurde.

Als weitere Sicherheitsinstanz ist auf oben genannter Internetseite das Geburtsdatum des Users eingegeben worden. Sollte sich bei einer weiteren überprüfung der Daten herausstellen, dass ein falsches Geburtsdatum eingegeben wurde, ist von einem Betrugsdelikt auszugehen. In diesem Fall hätte sich eine gegebenenfalls minderjährige Person eine Leistung erschlichen, die ihr nicht hätte bereitgestellt werden dürfen. Hier behalte ich mir im Namen meiner Mandantschaft die Erstattung einer Strafanzeige vor. Die dabei anfallenden Kosten und Auslagen sind gegebenenfalls gegen Sie geltend zu machen.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Olaf Tank
Rechtsanwalt

Thieler Rechtsanwaltsgesellschaft mbH
Am Perlachberg 3
86150 Augsburg


Bankverbindung Ausland: Postbank Hannover IBAN DE06 2501 0120 0077 6673 07, BIC: PBNKDEFF

Bankverbindung Deutschland: Postbank Hannover Kontonummer: 77 612 307, BLZ 250 100 30

Bitte geben Sie als Zahlungsempfänger unbedingt Thieler Rechtsanwaltsgesellschaft mbH an und Ihr Aktenzeichen als Verwendungszweck.

Bah

Democrats Pull Troop Deadline From Iraq Bill

The compromise legislation is far from a total victory for the president. It requires that the Iraqi government show progress on improving security and forging political unity. Mr. Bush has resisted Congressional intervention in the conduct of the war, and the benchmarks and new reporting requirements, which had strong Republican support in the Senate, represent new accountability in the eyes of many lawmakers. "We don't have a veto-proof Congress," Mr. Reid said. "But no one can say with any degree of veracity that we haven't made great progress, and this bill is further proof of that."

Bah. The Bush administration scoffs at laws and attempts to work out reasonable compromises. They'll sign the bill, and then not do what they've agreed to. That's all I expect. I wish Democrats had stood their ground like the hard-liners they need to be.

Faith in My Fellow New Jersians

I've long maintained that the average New Jersey resident is often a bit less idiotic than people who choose to settle elsewhere. I've also stated that people in NJ are bitter, and in a hurry, and I like it that way, but I'm losing my point.

Hopefully, the fires are dying down.
Rain aids battle against N.J. wildfire

LITTLE EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. - A rainstorm Wednesday night helped firefighters make progress against a blaze that apparently began when a military jet dropped a flare on a bombing range. Officials were hoping to determine at daybreak whether the blaze had been contained.

Well, that's fine, you say, but what has that got to do with the price of an intelligent New Jersey resident in China? Hang on, it's coming:

"I didn't grab anything but the cat and myself, and we scrammed," said Helen Sura, who spent a sleepless night with her pet, aptly named Smoky, in a Burger King parking lot.

That's, right, she grabbed the cat and scrammed. Someone told her that staying where she was could make her dead, so she got the hell out of dodge.

In my opinion, if someone tells you that staying where you are could kill you, you should get out of there, therefore, people who follow this advice are not idiots. QED.

Just the Facts

Jerry Falwell has died.

Unimportant Movie Review

I watched "Because I Said So" this weekend on DVD. I'm a big Lauren Graham, Mandy Moore & Diane Keaton fan. Don't bother. Even the frequent sightings of good-looking males couldn't make me like this thing. It was as if a man decided to write a movie about what women talk about when men aren't around, and yet, it was written by a woman (two, to be accurate). If she(they) really has conversations like that with her family, I'm glad we're not related.

The Diane Keaton comedy bits had no timing whatsoever, and were more preposterous than I was willing to swallow.

Dang. I really wanted to like it.

You Can't Say I'm Not Listening

My last post was about an article in a Canadian newspaper reporting a woman's CFL (lightbulb) cleanup nightmare. It cost her upwards of $2K American. I have 2 comments on it so far, and both of them point out how not dangerous these light bulbs seem to be, if you ask everyone else in the world.

Now, I'm not saying that the story I quoted was a hoax, I honestly believe that all those things happened to that woman, whether or not the people who said and did them were correct or truthful.

So I went looking around the web for articles about CFL's. Almost none of it was scary, except the bits referring to that same story. Mostly, I see sites that tell me that the amount of mercury is used, and can be recycled. The Energy Star site even has a whole document talking about them and recommending the proper way to dispose of the bulbs, or to clean up after one when it breaks

What should I do if a CFL breaks?
Because there is such a small amount of mercury in CFLs, your greatest risk if a bulb breaks is getting cut from glass shards. Research indicates that there is no immediate health risk to you or your family should a bulb break and it’s cleaned up properly. You can minimize any risks by following these proper clean-up and disposal guidelines:
•
Sweep up — don't vacuum — all of the glass fragments and fine particles.
•
Place broken pieces in a sealed plastic bag and wipe the area with a damp paper towel to pick up any stray shards of glass or fine particles. Put the used towel in the plastic bag as well.
•
If weather permits, open windows to allow the room to ventilate.

So there you are. I'm not saying that Brandy Bridges from Ellsworth Maine is making up her story, I'm just saying that perhaps she was steered wrong.

Or perhaps the Energy Cabal doesn't want us to know how dangerous these things are, and no one will know what killed so many of us until 100 years later.

Man, it sucks being insanely paranoid.

I get emails

Got a link in an email entitled "Superfund Bedroom"

It's quite odd that environmentalists have embraced the CFL, which cannot now and will not in the foreseeable future be made without mercury. Given that there are about five billion light bulb sockets in North American households, we're looking at the possibility of creating billions of hazardous waste sites such as the Bridges' bedroom.

Right. It's back to candles for me!

Common Sense

I know, I'm stealing my title, but there's only so many words in the universe, you know? When I opened up the following URL sent to me by a friend, my first thoughts were, "Of course. Of course someone should be doing this."

http://kucinich.house.gov/UploadedFiles/int2.pdf

Not Losing My Religion

Look, I'm not in Israel right now, so I can't see what's actually going on.
I read a lot of reports (like this one) that Israeli soldiers are overtly violent, and causing clashes. Every time I see a report like that it makes me very sad, indeed. I need to feel like the side I'm on is the side of peace, and these reports do not make me feel like that.

I've been pro-Israel for so long that it's hard for me to believe these things. A voice in my mind tells me that sometimes journalists lie, or spin the truth. While that does indeed, happen, one of the other voices in my mind (what, you don't have multiples) tells me that I am not that naive, and that Israel is definitely more aggressive than I can legitimately support. Plus, the whole Lebanon debacle... I cannot believe that when Israel invaded, they didn't just go in full-force and destroy everything. Yes, that's terrible, and yes that's beyond destructive, but it would have at least declared them the winner, which their half-assed Rumsfeld-style attack did NOT.

So here's my philosophy - don't attack, and if you do attack, win. Stop acting like a brute force without a brain at home, and try to keep the respect of the people who support you.

I find I am still pro-Israel, if pro-Israel means that I want there to be an Israel. I cannot, however, support policies that eliminate all possibilities of non-violent negotiations.

My Brain's on "Dim" Today

... or so a friend told me.

Seen at the Truffle's:

What Classic Actress Are You?

Katharine Hepburn.She is an icon but beyond that, she was one of the most highly respected and talented actresses in film history.

Unconventional, Independant, Intelligent, Feisty

You are never afraid to speak your mind and make no attempt to conform to other other people's demands or social norms. You might be seen as haughty and demanding at times but you just want to make sure you do your best on your own terms. Whenever your capabilities are questioned, you end up proving your critics wrong. You have the brains and the brawn to be the alpha-female in a man's world, always holding your own. Go, you!
Take this quiz!

Cutting Edge Tactics

They're (we're?) building a wall in Baghdad. This is state of the art technology at it's best people - 16th century state of the art, that is.

And Britain's Independent newspaper reported April 11 that U.S. forces are planning a counterinsurgency operation that would seal off large areas of Baghdad, using barricades to create "gated communities" that could only be entered with newly issued ID cards.

Ah, yes, nothing says "freedom" to me like gates and mandatory ID cards! Oh, yeah!

Sad News

Yesterday afternoon I couldn't take my usual route home because it was blocked by a police barricade and news cameras.
Mahwah woman's body recovered

MAHWAH – Police on Wednesday recovered the body of a Mahwah woman who drove off a rain-slicked Route 202 and into the Ramapo River during the height of Sunday's nor'easter.

...left a party in the Rio Vista section of town during the heaviest rains of the storm on Sunday night and never arrived home, police and family members said. Police said they believe she either failed to negotiate a sharp turn or lost control of the car as she was driving home.

This is very sad news, I know, but it's just not that surprising. The news told us over and over that a big, dangerous storm was coming, and this woman went driving on a twist-and-turn-filled mountain road just above the Ramapo River. There have been a few times that I've taken the long way home in bad weather, because I stopped and thought about road conditions on 202 between me and 287. I'm very sorry that this woman didn't come to the same conclusions.

Please, if the weather is bad, seriously consider whether or not your ride is dangerous. Being reasonably cautious doesn't make you weak, and it can keep you alive.

As Seen on TV

You may or may not know, I'm a big fan of General Hospital. I love that silly soap opera. To me, it embodies all the ridiculous and melodramatic things that can ever happen to a person, all happening at once, over and over again, to the same set of people. To be fair, the set of people does change sloooooowly over time.

Anyway, lately there's a story line featuring two particularly good-looking young men, Coop and Logan.



Logan and Coop are two half-bad, half-good guys, which makes no sense at all, but that's not important right now. Their characters are two young men who are back from Iraq, where they were MP's, and in to some questionable endeavors. Every time I see them, I wonder what it is about them that bothers me. It's not their dubious moral code, that's standard for soap operas, and it's not that they're unusually good looking, also standard fare. Still, something about them just doesn't sit right. What could it be? They're just young men who went to war, and now are having trouble adjusting to life back on the home front - wait, that's it - they've come home whole and sane. That's what seems so wrong.


*bonus unverified soap-secret conjecture: I suspect that Scotty is Logan's father!

Wolfman Fairies Dressed in Drag for Homicide

Holy crap. There I was, waiting in the long line of cars to see where the detour was leading us so that I might eventually get to work today, when the universe sent me a sign that I should cut it the hell out. That's when I called my boss and left the follwing message:

"Hey, it's Tami, I was trying to get to the office, but the weather wins. I've been on the road for 40 minutes and I haven't left Somerset, because oh my god is it flooded, here. I was all right until I saw the ambulance towing a rescue boat pass me. I'm going to head home where there's a foot of water in the basement, I can do some work on the laptop without logging in."

OK, I exaggerated, there's only about 8 inches of water in my basement. And really, I'm only going to do the amount of work I have to in order to keep from screwing up my deadlines.

About the Weather

I live in New Jersey. Whatever powers that be seem to be attempting to put my state into the ocean. While one friend calls to tell me that she's been evacuated from her house because the water was coming up the steps, another tells me she's gone for a walk outside because it's "just rain".

I'm somewhere in the middle with a sump pump that can't handle the pressure. I'm glad I keep my things in the basement in plastic bags and bins.

Imus Fired, Breaks Corzine's Leg

I am completely shocked that Imus' radio show has been cancelled. See, I never thought he was funny, but after 30 years, I didn't think it mattered any more what he said. Well, the world went and proved me wrong, when an off-hand insult to women athletes that was probably uttered without significant thought caused a giant uproar.

The hoopla in the media went so far as to get to the point where Imus was to apologize in person to the Rutgers women's basketball team. The meeting was to take place at Drumthwacket, and Governor Corzine was to attend.

Yes, he was scheduled to be there, but on his way, his SUV was hit by a white truck that swerved when cut off by a red truck. A lot of trucks in this story. Now Corzine's in critical but stable condition, with a laundry list of broken stuff:

When Corzine arrived at the hospital, doctors said he was conscious but had suffered several injuries: a femur bone broken in two places that had lacerated his skin, a broken sternum, six broken ribs on each side, a head laceration and a minor fracture on a lower vertebrae.

So here's my logic - if Imus hadn't been so flippant about other people's reputations and feelings, Corzine wouldn't be facing months of rehab. Bad Karma going on here, people.

Alackaday

"Goodness me the clock has struck / Alackaday, and fuck my luck"
- Kurt Vonnegut(1922-2007), Slaughterhouse Five

The Trend Towards Food Blogs

Sharon GR has one, Jill is talking about starting one, Tata's blog has long been food inclusive, and we all know of my fascination with cheese, and perhaps now, brisket.

I haven't ever even mentioned my fascination with making cake sculptures. (I should have trimmed that mustache a bit, huh?)















Still, last night, as I wandered close to awakening, I very vividly dreamed of making up a pan of scrambled egg whites with shallots in truffle oil. When I actually did awaken, I realized that I don't have any truffle oil and I was disappointed.

Now I wonder why so many smart women I know are thinking about food so much, lately. Is it because politics has finally sent our brains running to something we can actually control? Maybe, but at least this neurotic retreat contains actual nutrition.

Just a Quick Comment

Re: The whole Imus dust-up.

Insulting the looks of a women's basketball team is just mean, whether you use racist terms or not. When I heard that the whole conversation started off with a disparagement of women who have tattoos, my first thought was "Jeez, Imus is old and out of touch, all right".

Do people talk about how the Seton Hall players look? Not that I can recall...

I also don't think that Imus deserves the free publicity, but here I am, talking about it, anyway.

My Local News Sometimes Goes National

Perhaps you've heard about the FBI agent shot at the scene of an attempted bank robbery, yesterday April 5, 2007? They caught two of the perpetrators yesterday, and I read that today they've caught the third.

The robbery attempt was in Readington Twp, NJ, which is in my county, and not all that far from my gym. It was all anyone could talk about around the treadmills last night, which made it kind of surreal when it was on the TVs over the treadmills at the same time. All three of the alleged criminals are from New Brunswick, the town next to mine, so my whole ride home was peppered with an actual dragnet of cops. They were everywhere, man. My ride home was creepy. Also, my ride home was conducted at exactly the speed limit. Now I know it takes me 28 minutes to go 8 miles.

I find it odd to read that this is the first FBI agent to be killed by a bullet in 10 years. I also find it odd to read this:

The authorities said the robbers in those cases wore ski masks, baseball hats, black gloves, hooded sweatshirts, trench coats and work boots, and carried a big money bag.

A big money bag? Did it have a dollar sign on the side of it or something?

All of it seems surreal to me, even though I saw the effects of it on the area first hand.

I Love the Internets

...and what they can do for targeted marketing.

Yes, I just got an email from Lawry's, makers of the seasoned salt that I keep in my pantry. Recipies! Inspirations from their test kitchens!

I am very amused, and now I find myself wondering what's in the Lawry's seasoned salt. I assume paprika, because it's orange...

OK, I looked it up: Salt, Sugar, Spices Including Paprika and Turmeric, Onion, Cornstarch, Garlic, Tricalcium Phosphate (Prevents Caking), Paprika Oleoresin (For Color), Natural Flavor, Soy Lecithin. Contains NO M.S.G.

Hmmm. I don't like it when an ingredients listing tells me what's not in there. Like the hair conditioner that says on it "contains no wax". You know it says that because it's waxy enough that people would ask.

So, back to the seasoned salt. I could do without the sugar, and the cornstarch, the soy lecithin and the nebulous "natural flavor". Maybe I'll just buy a bottle of turmeric and see if I can't mix up my own. Salt, paprika, onion & garlic I've got.

Now I'm depressed. I liked that stuff.

And More Things

Running Scared is back up, and I am no longer pissed off at Powerblogs. Turns out we both made mistakes, although I believe that I made fewer than they did.

I was right, no one could make it to the first seder. No worries, I stuffed everything in the fridge and freezer and we had a lovely time last night. Brisket just gets better when you let it sit, anyway.

Only one of my personal projects is done, ugh.

I hope to get back to the point of writing political opinion any day now, but in the mean time, I feel like sharing the brisket recipe I used. I started out with the recipe by Emeril from the Food Network site, but when I saw that his called for ketchup, chili sauce & brown sugar, I decided to deviate.

Tami's Brisket
1 beef brisket, mine was 4.7 pounds
4 cups broth or stock, I used chicken broth, because it's what I had
Garlic cloves - lots of garlic cloves
1 medium onion
2 Tbsp olive oil
Lawry's seasoned salt
Onion Powder
Dried Thyme
Coarse ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 500 degrees

(like I said, I start out like Emeril)
Using a paring knife and your fingers, make holes in the brisket and stuff them with whole garlic cloves, all over. I recommend making the hole then stuffing, rather than making multiple holes and trying to figure out where they were when you go back.

Place brisket in baking dish/pan, and put in oven to brown (about 5 minutes)
Turn brisket over and brown it on the other side.

Turn the oven down to 350.

Add enough liquid to go to about 1 inch deep in the pan (don't remove the brisket). Tent with foil. Continue cooking about an hour.

Heat a skillet on medium-high heat. Add the olive oil, then add the onions. Adjust heat so that they're cooking slowly, and continue cooking, stirring occasionally, until they're carmelized, about 20 minutes. Remove onions from heat.

(this is where I broke away from the recipe)
When the hour is up, add the carmelized onions and the rest of the spices to the meat. Replenish liquid if necessary. Turn the brisket over, season the other side, and return to oven, 1 hour.

After an hour, turn the brisket again. Tent if it looks like it's drying out. Add more liquid if necessary. Return brisket to oven.

After another hour, test the tenderness level of the brisket with a fork. If it's still too firm, continue cooking, and check every 20 minutes or so. I took mine out at the 3-hour 40-minute point. Your brisket should not be so tender that it falls apart, or you won't be able to slice it.

Let brisket rest 10 minutes, slice it (against the grain). Reserve pan juices to serve with the meat.

Brisket can be served immediately, but invariably tastes better if it's chilled for at least a day and then served re-heated.

Everybody liked the meat. I especially loved the way the garlic cloves looked when I sliced it up.

So Many Things

So the first thing I noticed this morning is that Running Scared is down. No response yet, btw, so I'm still pissed off.

Then, I went and checked for bad news on the blog of a friend. Bad news obliged me by showing up right on top.

Then, I tried to get a handle on the 3 projects I'm doing at work.

I have 2 personal projects I need to get a handle on, today, as well.

I have 1 personal project that I need to let go of because I just can't figure out when to do it (I probably could have been doing that instead of this).

My cousin is still in the hospital after her back surgery, causing everyone stress, because we thought she'd be home by now and she didn't think that she'd hurt as much as she does.

Tonight's the first seder, and I don't know if anyone in my family, including me, is going to be able to show up.

I cooked a brisket yesterday, anyway.

Powerblogs is Pissing Me Off

When I tried to ask them how to pay for a blog, they completely blew me off.

Months later, they sent me a threatening email stating that if I didn't pay immediately, that they would take down Running Scared. The email also included the instructions for how to go about paying that I had been waiting for all along.

So, I went, and I followed their directions, and I set up payments. I replied to my email threat, and the email bounced. I found that very disconcerting, but when the payment went through, I assumed it would be all right.

Well, today Running Scared is down, with the message that the blog has been cancelled for non-payment.

They have my money. It's not a lot of money, but it's what they asked for.

I'm pissed.

They've Been a Bad Little Country

Iran says may not release British woman

TEHRAN (Reuters) -
Iran will delay the release of the only woman among 15 British military personnel detained last week if Tehran is faced with "fuss and wrong behavior" from Britain, a senior Iranian official said on Thursday.

Holy cow, this is the kind of crap we dump on the rest of the world all the time, isn't it? "You're a spoiled child, and we're the adult". This kind of pomposity is what makes other countries hate us, why does Iran think that it will work for them, now?

Someone will launch a military operation in Iran, and I suspect it will be England, since they're the ones being openly chastised in the world theater. And if England does jump in, will our troops be far behind to help?

Glass Half Empty

Iran 'seizes' 15 British Marines

A dispute ensued over whether the Marines were in Iraqi, international, or Iranian territorial waters, and the 15 were then seized and taken to Iran, the U.S. military official said.

I'm not saying that we're going to war right away. What I'm saying is that when they teach about this in schools, it will be reported as the incident that brought Iran in to World War III.

I would be so, so happy to be wrong.

See, here's the thing - every once in a while we see a news item or a blog post that talks about how military recruiting numbers are down, or how we're now spread so thin that we couldn't really defend ourselves militarily on a new front. Perhaps you recall reading about soldiers being taken off medical disability or individuals with criminal records now being accepted as recruits. I believe that all of these things are true.

If all of these things are true, then how in the world can the U.S. ever achieve victory on any of these fronts. Hell, I'm not even sure that I understand what victory is supposed to be, any more. These two wars that I'm thinking of, Afghanistan and Iraq, who exactly are we in a war against? The Afghani and Iraqi governments? Aren't they now constructs that we helped build? If we're not fighting the governments, than who are we fighting, and more importantly, who can we negotiate a truce or a cease-fire with?

Who's in charge of all this violence and conflict? Who's working towards all the killing and the destruction? Without clear sides, how can the war ever stop?

World Got You Down?

Well, why wouldn't it? I mean, the country's being run by the most selfish people that exist in the 50 states, people who are literally strip-mining the populace of its will to be reasonable. Global warming is hotly (yes, you may smack me for the pun) contended. Corruption flourishes in almost every state government. Gas costs a million dollars and citrus fruit is getting really expensive.

Is there nothing that can cheer us up?

Of course there is! In the words of one of the commenters on Cute Overload:

Is teh polar blog!!!

Irony Calling

How come I see this headline Global temps set record for warmest winter on a day when I'm watching the snow fall?

More Moral Quandries

I've been home a lot lately, which you may or may not know. I had a DVT that did the whole "travel to the lung" thing, which, when it doesn't kill you, makes you tired as hell for a long time. So I'm just not getting out and about like I used to. This means that I'm having more political discussions with my dad than usual, because, holy cow, that man is home a lot. Recently, there have been two things we've talked about that I wanted to mention here. I actually got off my butt and am mentioning them. It's a minor miracle.

First thing: "pension relief" in New Jersey. The concept that raising the retirement age will save money for the state because older retirees won't receive as much in pension money is a wash. Those people are working for the state at full salary, people. And the odds are that if they're at retirement age, then they're at the top of the earnings scale. Paying out their pensions would actually cost the state less, wouldn't it? Am I missing something?

Second thing: Gonzales, replacing US Attorneys, should he retire, etc, etc. My dad said to me, "At least Gonzales is better than what we had before". I'm not so sure, though. Yes, I think that Ashcroft is a bit of a loon who has firm beliefs about the world and how it works that I think do that whole "causal disconnect" thing. I admit it, I think the man is nuts. But I think that Gonzales is self-serving and anti-Constitution. I think he, in addition to plenty of other government officials, has been successfully undermining the document that is the foundation of American society the entire time he's held his position. I find that I can't make a better/worse comparison between insane and amoral.

Where Are We Going?

Down the economic tubes, baby.

Wall Street Slammed After China Stock Woes

NEW YORK — Stocks had their worst day since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks Tuesday, briefly hurtling the Dow Jones industrials down more than 500 points on a worldwide tide of concern that the U.S. and Chinese economies are stumbling and that share prices have become overinflated.

Who does the U.S. government owe billions of dollars to (beside Japan)?China. Go ahead, explain to me how the stock market and the national debt aren't at all related.

Let's face facts, the minute we ditched the gold standard for federal reserve notes, our initial situation of pretending something was valuable went out the window for a scheme based on *actually* nothing. We (the U.S.) will never have enough money to pay off our national debt. We must instead simply hope that the countries we owe so much money to develop such severe economic problems that our debt somehow gets cancelled out. It's like a never ending game of Monopoly on a global scale.

Monday, Monday

An actual debate I had last week: Who would make a worse president of the U.S, GWB, or Alfred E. Neuman?

I was calling the contest a tie.

True Love

Oh, Macbook Pro 17, you make my heart beat so fast! So fast!

Good News

I expect my shiny shiny new laptop today, so I should be online a lot more. To be honest, sitting in the uncomfy computer chair kinda makes my leg ache, so I've been avoiding it. I look forward to being portable.

Hi. Um, I've Been... Out.

So last Thursday, I went to the doctor because my breathing felt really labored, and that's the kind of crap you go to the doctor for. Still, you expect him or her to say "bronchitis", or even worse, "pneumonia", give you a script for antibiotics and you'll be on your way home for soup, tea, and daytime TV. You do not expect your doctor to say, "I'm going to go get the other doctor" and them have them tell you together that they think you have a pulmonary embolism and that you're going to the hospital right now. And then I spent a week in the hospital, which sucked, even though I had a portable DVD player and a bunch of visits and phone calls, and Ceaser brought me a pony.

But now I'm home, and I'm way better, and there's a new Barenaked Ladies* video to watch. While this is not my favorite song on the album, the video's pretty funny, so I figured I'd share.



*Barenaked Ladies, the official favorite band of the One True Tami

Like a Rock to the Forehead

Today I saw this headline:

U.S. May Have Botched Training of Iraqis

May have.

I didn't bother to read the article. Don't these people watch The Daily Show?

Putting the Terror Back in Terrorism

Suicide bomber at a bakery.

EILAT, Israel (AP) -- A Palestinian suicide bomber attacked a bakery in this southern Israeli resort town on Monday, killing three other people, police said. It was the first suicide bombing in Israel in nine months and the first ever to hit Eilat, Israel's southernmost city.

Eilat is a beautiful place at the southern tip of Israel. The weather there is so mild that people sleep in tents that they've pitched on the beach. The water there is a beautiful turquoise blue, and fish swim through it displaying their fantastically bright colors that I thought only happened under a black light until I saw them in person. I've been there on vacation twice, and neither time did it occur to me that I might get blown up if I stopped in a shop to buy some rolls. Constantly thinking about being blown up during every day events is terrifying.

An Islamic Jihad Web site said the attack was meant to help bring an end to weeks of Palestinian infighting that has 60 people in the Gaza Strip since December.

"The operation has a clear message to the Palestinian rivals. It is necessary to end the infighting and point the guns toward the occupation that has hurt the Palestinian people," the site said.

Damn. In my passive-aggressive way, I was actually hoping that they would just continue the infighting until all the violent ones were dead. I'm not even going to ask my characteristic "is that wrong?", because I'm pretty sure it is, and I don't actually care.

More Personal Crap

Oh, sure, I could pontificate about the Middle East, or about the rights of women, or about Ted Kennedy and his rant about minimum wage that I just found courtesy of Blanton's and Ashton's, but no, I'd rather talk about the fire in my kitchen yesterday.

My dad set a Hot Pocket on fire in the microwave. I didn't know you could do that. He smothered the flames, put it in a garbage bag, and then put the bag on the back deck, where it proceeded to ignite a deck chair cushion. Alas, the deck chair is lost, but we still have a deck, and a house, and all.

Unfortunately, we also have a holy hell of a lot of smoke. I didn't even think about how the smell of smoke gets into everything. My room is across the hall from the kitchen. My clothes smell faintly of charred pepperoni and plastic. Every once in a while I catch a little whiff of this, and it's driving me insane. Argh.

Yes, we bought a new microwave already. I cannot imagine living a day in my house without one. Not for me, mind you, but my dad refuses to admit that he can turn on a stove burner.

Pressed for Time II

Iwish I had more time to blog, but at least I had time to read about the Libby trial at Jill's place. She's Brilliant, you know.

Odd Horizon

Listening to the radio this morning, I was faced with the concept of an election pitting Hillary Clinton against Rudy Guiliani. Neither one of them is my favorite candidate for the job. I feel that she's too focused on politics (the schmoozing kind), and I feel that he's a pompous jerk who sometimes pushes for the wrong thing based on his personal feelings. Still, when I thought about it for a few seconds, I realized that both of them are light years better than what we've got, and I've lived through this (so far).

Basically, my brain keeps telling me that any new person at all will be better. It's getting in my way, though, because I don't want to settle for "better", I want to actualy work towards "good".

So.. That Happened

First - an apology. I haven't' been blogging because I suddenly seem to have a real job that expects me to do work during the day. I apologize for my absence and hope I can start to work out my own darn schedule.

Second - the story I had to tell the world. I was driving up 287 through Boonton, when I saw a blue streak go across the sky. It looked exactly like something burning up upon entry into our atmosphere. It did not look large. So there I was, thinking about how cool it is that I finally saw an actual meteor when they're supposed to be hitting the earth in droves anyway. all the time, when something Else happened.

There was a giant bird flying over the highway. Not unnaturally giant, just a really big bird specimen. It was the kind of bird you look at and say, "Man, that's a big bird!". And then you realize that you've made a Sesame Street reference without meaning to, and you don't mention it, and you hope to god that no one else does, either, but if you're with my dad, of course he mentions it. *sigh*. Anyway, either a crazy downdraft hit, or the bird went insane and decided to land in the middle lane of the highway in the middle of traffic. It almost hit the car in the middle lane, swerved up a bit and over towards me, and avoided my windshield by feet. Feet! And I'm telling you, the wingspan of that bird was nearly the width of my windshield. This was the point when I noticed that the bird was an eagle. Not a bald eagle, but it definitely had that head and the pointy beak. Like this one.

So there you go. Meteor and what I'm pretty darned sure was an eagle that's not supposed to be in the eastern U.S., all in one 40-second period. I don't think the rest of my day is going to be able to keep up.

I Feel Naive

I keep hoping that the current administration is suddenly going to start acting reasonable, and that things are going to level off right in the middle of the road, where they should be most of the time, anyway.

Something I heard on the radio this morning made me start thinking about this. Someone was reading the news, and they were saying how the call for more troops doesn't meet approval with "the Democrats", but the fact is that what we're doing now isn't working, and many people agree that just suddenly pulling out of Iraq would absolutely not work, so something in the middle, maybe even this exact proposed surge, could be the option to put Iraq and the U.S. in a better place.

It's not that I'm sure that I agree with this, it's just that I was so pleasantly surprised to hear it phrased as reasonable suggestions instead of straight slanderous insults that I'm thrown off of my usual game.

Or maybe I'm just a Pollyanna.

More Stuff That I'm Thinking

Because I figure if you're here, reading, you actually care.

I'm thinking that much in the same manner that you cannot get blood from a stone, you cannot get 20,000 more troops from an organization that does not have 20,000 more troops to give.

Delaware Democratic Sen. Joe Biden, a contender for his party's 2008 presidential nomination, told MSNBC that Bush was making a mistake by planning to put more troops into volatile Baghdad and needed to work toward a political solution in Iraq between Sunnis and Shi'ites.

"I think the president has got it backwards again. This escalation, he's going to come to regret. We've tried it twice," Biden said.

Biden's a contender for the '08 nomination?. Really? Because you couldn't pay me enough to vote for the man who sided with the credit card companies that rule his state on the bankruptcy bill. That bill really pissed me off. Delaware is small, but it's full of pointy bits.


So there you go, my disjointed thoughts for the day.

Rabbit Season, Duck Season...

...nope, it's Diet Season. New Year's is resolution time, when a gazillion people go on diets. For those of you who think that pills on the American market are the answer to your weight loss woes, let me once again remind you that pills are crap. If pills worked, we'd all take them, and we'd all be skinny. Because I know this, I am not at all surprised when I read that the Federal Trade Commission is fining 4 diet pill manufacturers for false claims.

[FTC Commissioner Deborah Platt] Majoras, speaking on TODAY, said the FTC investigation found that the marketers of Xenadrine had a study that said those who took a placebo actually lost more weight than those taking the pill.

"They not only didn't have studies to support the claim, they actually had a study that went the other way," she said.

I guess that there are some diet pills out there that really do work, like phen-fen, which was dangerous enough for the FDA to yank, and, of course, speed, but, um...

Yeah, I'd take them too, if they'd let me. Which brings us to the next article on MSNBC, Reading diet articles linked to eating disorders.

Don't Believe in Much

...and I certainly don't believe that Someone named "the Lord" talks to Pat Robertson.

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - In what has become an annual tradition of prognostications, religious broadcaster Pat Robertson predicted Tuesday that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in "mass killing" late in 2007.

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said during his news-and-talk television show "The 700 Club" on the Christian Broadcasting Network. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

Robertson said God told him during a recent prayer retreat that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September.

No offense, but it doesn't take a lot of scamming skill to predict mass killing in a country that's involved in a war. Just sayin'.

Polls Are Confusing

I took my first Zogby poll today, even though I've been getting mailings for ages. It asked a lot of multiple choice questions, which meant that I couldn't answer, "it's good if it's done this way, but bad if it's done that way". I find that a lot of my opinions depend on the implementations.

Other than that, I wish I had taken today off. There's no motivation to work. I went to some web page that supposedly calculates the name of your soulmate based on your first name. Of course I tried it, and it sent me back the following message:

Your calculated match is Alexander. Together, the two of you will be fruitful whether you are creating a family, a business, or an artistic enterprise.

I actually know two people who are called Alexander, and I think one who's actually named Alexander. I don't see me pairing off with any of them, due to one being already married, one being a zillion years younger than me, and one never showing any interest at all in the gazillion years I've known him.

Guess it's another Alexander, huh? Because I believe in web games as accurate predicters of who I should spend the rest of my life with!

Work Surprises Me

I found out yesterday that my whole group is being moved to a different manager's "stable". I'll no longer be matrixed to 2 people, and the new department manager is a man who I've respected since I met him 10 years ago. I'm actually happy to be part of his team.

Oh, and the immediate manager whom I was unintentionally, horribly rude to? He just gave me a holiday gift. It's a visa debit card for 25 bucks. I'm either relieved, or feeling even more guilty. It might be both.

I am not getting a damn wink of sleep tonight. Stupid holidays.

Phrasology

Today, on the radio, I heard the phrase "Christ on a pony!". That may even be better than my trademark exclamation, "Christ on a cracker".

What do you think?

The Good Old Days

Ex-Russky spies can rest easy:

Russia does not murder spies any more: KGB veteran

"That was long ago. It belonged to the days of Stalin," Velichko told Die Welt newspaper. He was referring to Soviet dictator Josef Stalin, who in the 1930s led a campaign of political persecution, repression and executions.

Nice to know that some stories of boogeymen aren't just made up to scare children. Wait - maybe that's not nice at all.

I'm going to think about that one for a while.

My favorite part of the headline, though, has to be the last bit: "any more".

I Am Not Always Funny

Reading Blanton's and Ashton's today, I noticed that I have something in common with Jeff Greenfield, Senior CNN Analyst; I am not always funny.

Today I walked up to a table of bald managers and said, "hey, if I shave my head, can I sit here?"

Sometimes, I am an idiot who is mean when she doesn't mean to be.

Did I mention that one of them was my boss? The same boss who just gave me a low rating on "Shows respect for others"?

Yup. Idiot.

We Thought We Were Joking

And yet, not everyone was.

Chicken Fried Bacon Strips

My favorite line: "This is good, it just needs more salt."

Writing It Down Doesn't Help

When you work at a Dunkin' Donuts drive through, you have a computerized cash register in front of you. When people order things, you press the appropriate button. Say it's a cup of coffee, you type the size, the flavor, if any, if they want whole milk, skim milk, cream or black, and what kind of sweetener, if any. It shows up on a screen so you can see what you punched in, and if it's correct. If it's a busy time of day, there are usually people working inside who then get the order together, based on what's on the screen. Simple! You barely need to be literate.

Today, I went to the Dunkin' Donuts drive through, and I asked for a medium hazelnut coffee with cream and 2 Splendas, and a large cinnamon coffee with cream and 3 Splendas. When I got to the window where you pay, I saw that the inside people were all familiar, experienced workers. They were the people who give me my coffee every morning, and I found that reassuring. Sure, the girl who took my order was new, but that's the easy part.

Later, when I went to take a sip of the medium coffee (this is what I drink on the hour-plus ride to work) I discovered no flavoring at all. Plain coffee! It was OK, but I was looking for the girly drink. Now, I'm at my desk, and sipping on the delicious large hazelnut coffee. This is not what I ordered. I can only come to the conclusion that the girl standing at that computerized cash register pushed the wrong buttons, and because she's actually functionally illiterate, she couldn't tell that the wrong words were coming up on the screen.

I have no choice but to blame the government's "no child left behind" program. I hear that nowadays they teach to the test, so if someone could please add the word "hazelnut" to the test, I think that would improve the quality of all of our lives. You know, while they're at it, I'd appreciate if they could add the word "latte", too. It's a new world we live in, they can just put these words in where they used to put "would you like fries with that?".

Fridays Aren't Supposed to Suck

I have finished all the work that I can complete without further input from people who are on vacation, and I snapped the wheel off of my chair. Crack, just split the plastic right down the middle. I picked the wheel up and saw that it's completely jammed up and unable to turn, hence the break. What's it jammed up with? My hair. Doesn't anyone ever vacuum here?

I cannot leave, so I'm stuck in my cubicle guest chair, and now I know that I shed more than a normal human. This is not a joyous day.

I Haven't Said Anything In A While

It's a combination of reasons, really. I've been sick, I have a lot to do at work, and if I'm being honest with myself and all of you, I'm not sure how much more I really have to say.

Do I have to say that I fear our current administration and the fact that they've been treating the world like some game of Risk that they're actively trying to lose? Because seriously, you want to take any territory, you need a fuckload of troops, and that's the way it's always going to be. I think I'm talking about Risk, there.

Do I have to say that I'm appalled about people's attitudes towards repressing gay marriage or the "right to choose"? Look, civil marriage is civil marriage, and religious marriage is religious marriage. Religions can make up all the rules they want about who can and can't be married under their umbrellas, but civil services are supposed to be completely secular, and it seems to me that any two humans that tell me they're in love and want to make a family should go ahead and have a good time. And the right to choose? I'm totally talked out on that one. I have the same story, the same tag line: People who don't believe in abortions never have to have them, but for those of us who do think that they're a safe and effective way from bringing unwanted children into this world, they're essential. Having children is the most important thing most people ever do, it's important that it's a decision to do so, not a sentence.

I don't want to talk about Israel any more because it depresses me beyond reason. I think that the Jews should have a homeland, and I was pretty happy with Israel being that homeland, but the violence has worn down reason, and I don't think that anyone is the good guy any more. Too many people killing too many other people. The moral high ground has become a muddy morass of missiles flying in every direction, and no one can stand on it.

So there you go - in one post I've talked about the majority of my most important issues, and I can't see why I keep saying the same things over and over.