Thursday, May 23, 2024

Glass Half Full

 I can stick to my own rules and be sad about it 100% of the time, or I can accept a different set of rules and be happy for more than 50% of the time. Really happy, for more than half the time.

There is not a choice where I get 100% my way, that simply doesn’t exist.  

In my head, the logic is so clear that I hardly believe I could even consider another choice. 

The part where I’m not happy, though, the part where I know that I’m going to cry myself to sleep, tonight, that’s when it’s just really hard, you know?

Wednesday, May 15, 2024

Hello Darkness

 I'm in too much pain to sleep. The painkillers didn't really work, today. I was just overly stoned and in pain. My aide had a second shadow aide an inch and a half behind her. They overlapped. 

Anyway, now it's after midnight and I don't want to talk to any of the people who are also so messed up that they're still awake, so I find myself here. 

Sometimes it's nice to have an abyss to shout into. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

Adult Language Warning

 I snapped at you for doing something unhelpful. 

You snapped back that you wouldn't just leave it like that, like an asshole. 

Do you think that you've never been that asshole?

Butterflies? At This Age?

 He sent me a video message. I listened to everything he had to say. I care about it all, because I care about *him*.

He went to end the message. I started to hope he'd say "I love you". Then he did. 

Butterflies. At this age.