Under the influence of drugs that you don't usually take, and not under the influence of the ones that you do can change your behavior.
In some cases, it can reveal underlying feelings, but in others, it can mask the big ones up top that still exist.
It explains why I got hurt well enough for me to forgive, completely. Just putting this in here for continuity, in case someone reads this. Wintle and I talked it out. I'm actually coming to terms with the second girlfriend, because even knowing that he's going on a trip with her doesn't feel like someone is physically squeezing my heart. He used the kind of phrases that made me feel validated. He told me that he discusses me with her, and she knows that I'm there, and that I'm a "keeper".
So that's not my problem, today.
Today my biggest problem is my body. My stomach feels like everything I've ever eaten has turned into a liquid at a temperature too high to be comfortable, and I am too handicapped to use a toilet (I cannot afford enough help to get me to a bedside commode, it would take two people being here 24/7, because who knows when you'll get a stomach ache?). So I'm filthy. I will be cleaned up soon, I can afford *some* help. That will make some of me feel better, but my other problem is beyond help.
I fell and hurt my left leg. It's healing, but there's so much swelling. It feels like my pants are too painfully tight on my legs, but I'm not wearing any pants.
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