I want more special treatment than I'm getting. I'm probably too greedy, but I did say "want", not "deserve". And I really want it.
I don't want to exist in this body any more. Not the way it is. I can't figure out how to make it better. I tried something yesterday to make it better, and it went so wrong that now I have no hope. I have no ideas left, no motivation. I'm going through the motions of my regular life, with no joy.
Who would have thought that my serious depression would be caused by physical problems, and not the sense of undying loneliness?
My loneliness is definitely mortal. It gets killed off once a week, or so.
No motivation other than immediate pain relief. I'm motivated to get that, but I'm unable to accomplish it.
Don't want to do this any more. I am terrified of the only alternative that is presenting itself.
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