Friday, March 8, 2024

Fighting Against Nature

 When I was younger, and my father still alive, he had a long-term girlfriend that he didn't like that much. He called her "The Ditz", when referring to her, rather than her name. If he made it to bedtime without her calling, he'd exclaim in pleasure that he'd had a "Ditz Free Day". I asked him, if he didn't want to be with her, why did he not just break it off?

His reply was that he was trying to be so obnoxious that she'd dump *him*, and he wouldn't have to hurt her feelings. 

I told him that any time one person wants to end a relationship, but the other person doesn't want to, feelings get hurt. That's just the nature of the beast. 

I love someone. I want to tell the world. He says that he can't find a way to do that without hurting his other girlfriend's feelings. I said that's because there isn't one. 

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

I’d Pay the Devil

 He’s gone. If anybody needs me, I’ll be trapped on an air bed, unable to get up under my own power, dealing with 4000 medical issues and crying my face off because my love has left town. 

He says that he loves me. I don’t understand how this works. 


Tuesday, March 5, 2024

Did it to Myself

 I'm awake because my heart is breaking. 

I wish I knew what was real. I think I'm real. 

Sunday, February 25, 2024

FML, 2024 Version

 I am in a rehab. I am spending a second night on a bed too small for me because someone messed up. PT came to evaluate me, and they'd been lied to about my ability to stand, pivot, and walk. They also kept using the word "baseline" incorrectly. Idiots. So many stupid people. So many smart people annoyed by having to work with the stupid ones. 

A nurse ignored my pain pill request because it was too close to the end of her shift. Whatever, but she didn't leave a note or anything that I had requested them. The floor aide was shocked. 

I wanted to be asleep by midnight. It is 1:20 in the morning. I finally got some pain medicine, the lights are still on in here, despite my request for dark, and every time someone opens the door to my room, a disgusting plume of "gas station bathroom" smell wafts in to my room. 

Oh, and I don't have the ability to turn the lights in my room on and off. Gotta ask. Every time. 

One last rude jab -what the hell does the hair on these women look like if they think these cheap-ass, janky looking wigs are *better*? One of them had something in her head that looked like an imitation beaver skin. 

Friday, February 9, 2024

More… Positive Stuff?

Today, I didn’t feel well, in the grossest of human ways. Unpleasant to be around, pulling pain faces, being generally human body stinky. 

I had a date planned. Know what he did? Nothing I have is contagious, so he came to my house, and held my hand and got me water while I went through it. He distracted me with chatting about important and trivial things. He held my hand some more. He told me how pretty he thought my hair was. We watched a TV show, pausing it a lot to tell each other stuff. When he had to go, he kissed me gently and thanked *me* for really seeing him, and loving him for the whole person that he is. 

I’ve been so up and so down about him for so long, that this feels insane. It does feel real, though. 

Thursday, February 8, 2024

I Hate Being a Secret

 I wanted so badly to put proof of my relationship on the Internet that I resorted to here. There are people out there who know this is my boyfriend, and there are people being kept in the dark on purpose, because it would hurt their feelings. I'm sick and tired of their feelings always being more important than mine. 


I like this photo, even though it's a little awkward, because he leaned in and kissed me on the forehead. It wasn't discussed in advance, he just wanted to. 


Friday, February 2, 2024

Afraid That Posting This Stuff Will Get Me Death Threats

I just saw a headline calling the Gaza conflict, which is terrible from every angle, "Israel's War". I am incredibly angry at that writer. It's not any one entity's war, you can't have a war with a single side. 

You *can*, though, have a country that is trying to work under very strained conditions with a group that wants to wipe them off the earth. You *can* have that country retaliate for being brutally and suddenly attacked en masse, at civilian sites, grabbing hostages, beheading people and parading corpses through the streets. 

Does Israel make the right choices in all of this? I don't think so. But I don't think that they're the only ones who own it, either. 

From the Al Jazeera article: “No child should ever be exposed to the level of violence seen on October 7 – or to the level of violence that we have witnessed since then.” 

I agree. But please, please do not forget that on 10/7, the violence was *against* Israel, on Israeli ground.