I always knew that I would never by polyamorous. I knew that at a very early point, I’d wonder, if you love me, how can that not be enough. Real love isn’t always found, so many people die lonely. But I know that I love him, for real, and I kind of understand why I’m not “enough”, but it hurts. Why does he have to form love bonds with people when he doesn’t love them back?
Thats what I was braced for. Because he fell in love with me while he was in love with someone else, that’s what I’m expecting to happen. And I do fully believe that he loves me. He spent too much time trying to make me happy to not love me.
He’s seeing someone else, now. I want him to leave her town and never go back, because of his own plans. I don’t want him to do it “for me”. I want what I want with no guilt. I want to speak her name into the universe, but I’m afraid how that will work.
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