You Don't Own Me

 I love my boyfriend. He wants to love multiple people. I still still really difficult for me to deal with.

He dated a woman in Texas. He told me that he did not fall in love with her. 

Mind you, if he told me that he had, it would have felt like someone disemboweling me with a hot poker, but I do want the truth. I don't want to be arguing a point only to discover that I'm standing on thin ice. I need solid ground. 

Anyway, she's just been so damn thirsty all over his Facebook page. She likes everything, comments constantly, she's just always visible. 

Yesterday I did something that I shouldn't have done - I engaged. She said something funny, I asked a jokey question back, and then I acted like a jealous idiot and marked my territory. She responded by posting a photo of him. I guess it was from a day that they were together? She commented that he's "our" mister so-and-so, as if she and I stand on equal footing in his heart. We do not. She spent two months with him. I have been involved with him for the majority of my adult life. And I can promise this: he "belongs" to neither of us.

I already had the photo she posted. He sent me all his selfies from that day. Because he does love me. I still got that going for me.

After I saw that photo and comment, I stopped the conversation there. I would have said something possessive, which would be very uncool as well as inappropriate. 

I know he thinks that she's very cool and interesting. I'm also pretty sure that she wants him to come live with him forever. I shall now endeavor to never engage with her again, as I am so jealous of her getting to spend time dating him at all. I cannot be nice, so I will be somewhere else. 

Generic Bland

 Today I can't even "can't even". I want people to come over and do stuff with me, but there's almost nothing that I can do, and most people aren't this charitable. 

In Which I Am Overdramatic

 I didn’t get dumped. I got a dozen long-stemmed roses for my birthday, though, with a card that reads, “Happy birthday, my love”. That’s pretty heart-touching.

I think that I might just be too needy to share a boyfriend with others. Like, I want all of his romantic attention, and how can I have that, if he’s busy discovering new people?

And I still worry that one of them might have the same kind of chemistry with him that I do.

I know that neither he nor I are TV attractive, but we’ve got a crazy chemistry. Kissing him is like swimming through an underwater rainbow with sunbeams shining through it. 

I haven’t kissed him since February. I really miss it. 

So he’s still traveling, and he’s staying where he is at least through the end of the year, and he’s making tentative plans for the summer.

He sends me romantic messages, and we have video chats, and sometimes I get surprise presents which are incredibly sweet. 

I really want a kiss, though.