Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I Gots A Crush on Caroline Kennedy

Unlike the One True Tami, (blessed be Her name) I live in New York, not Jersey. As such, I stand to benefit from the pending appointment of Hillary Clinton to the State Department. I don't mean "benefit" so much in terms of what a great job she'll do in convincing Russia to let us put missile silos on their borders, but more the simple fact that we'll finally get to ship her ass out of my state and off to Washington where she and Bill will doubtless be more comfortable.

But what will Governor David Paterson do about a replacement? I had thought he would make a relatively safe, sane choice and put Nydia Velazquez in the office. Of course, what do I know? I appears that he'll probably award this particular pony to none other than Caroline Kennedy. You need only take one look at the woman and you'll doubtless have the same reaction I did.

Oh. My. God. She's sooooooo pretty! She's like a little piece of the sun, wrapped in a rainbow and brought down to Earth for us to enjoy! And she's a real, honest to God Kennedy, straight from the fount of Camelot. In this era of hope and change, could we ask for a more inspirational, transcendent character to lift our Senatorial politics out of the partisan gutter and on to a higher plain? I think not.

But... But... But...

After hitting my thumb with a hammer a few times to break the spell, I remember to ask a couple of questions. What sort of legislative and governmental experience does she have? Oh. None. I see. Well, at least she is probably a forceful speaker who will press our case in the upper chamber with aplomb. Oh? She's described by many people as "painfully shy" and tends to avoid confrontational situations, you say? Why are we considering her again?

This is a dynasty appointment. We don't need any more dynasties. We need another Kennedy (just for the sake of having a Kennedy) about as much as we need another Bush or another Clinton. Is it so silly to think that maybe we should just put qualified, competent, experienced people in these offices on the rare occasions when we need an appointment instead of an election? And oh, by the way, whoever takes that seat is going to have to stand for reelection in BOTH 2010 and 2012. So the person is going to need to be a seasoned campaigner who may have to face down Rudy Giuliani in a series of debates.

Enough with the dynasties, please. We don't need the same few families controlling the country like it's some sort of monarchy.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled rants.

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