Oprah Exposed!

Right up front, let me just say, if you came to this post looking for naked pictures of Oprah Winfrey, you:

1. Will be vastly disappointed
2. Have some very serious issues and should seek help immediately
3. May have a future with Fox Television

The real story, of course, is that Oprah is doomed. And why? She has been poisoned by the toxic aroma of Barack Obama.

Much hay was made nearly a year ago when Oprah Winfrey announced that she would support — and campaign for — Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama. Her effect in boosting support for Obama in early primary and caucus states like Iowa (which he won), New Hampshire (which he lost) and even South Carolina (which he won) is debatable.

But what has received far less attention is the impact Oprah’s endorsement has had on her own popularity... Almost instantly, Oprah’s popularity in America plummeted. An August 2007 CBS News poll showed only 61 percent of Americans were favorably disposed to her — a considerable drop of 13 percentage points from a similar survey conducted just seven months prior.

According to the always non-partisan and never challenged Journal of Convenient Facts for Me, it is clear that virtually everyone in the country hates Barack Obama. In a second, highly scientific poll, my basset hound responded saying, "I'd bite that Obama loving beeyatch if I had half a chance and could get my pudgy arse off this couch." From this it's clear that not only can Obama not be elected president, he will sink the careers of everyone who has ever met him... including the Pope who will be cast down from the Vatican into a pit of burning brimstone prior to November.

Then again, let's just get crazy for a moment and imagine that something else could explain the ratings change for the daytime talk diva. Who makes up Oprah's biggest demographic base? I'll leave you to do the Neilson research yourself if you don't believe me, but it happens to be women. And what group is Hillary Clinton's biggest fan base? (Cue the Jeopardy music.)

So once she endorses Obama, do you suppose that some disgruntled Hillary fans are a bit less enthusiastic about her in this highly charged political environment? History will be the judge. Somehow I don't think Oprah or Obama are going anywhere soon, but then again... what do I know? I believed the story about penguins being able to fly.