I come before you, hat in hand, to offer my most profuse apologies. And it's not just for carrying around this hat, which I never wear anyway. No... it is for the dereliction of my duties. You see, during this period when The One True Tami (blessed be Her name) is off on a well deserved vacation, being worshipped by bronze skinned young men in banana hammocks and eating banquets fit for Her status, I was supposed to be posting some my meandering thoughts to amuse you. In this, I have failed dismally. I could go into a variety of reasons and excuses, many plausible and some of them possibly even true, but the fact is that I fell asleep at the wheel. I should have been here for you, and I was not. For this I offer my sincere and humble apologies.
With that said, I do want to take a moment to speak to you about the pressing subject of the moment, and that is The High Holy Days.
Depending upon your personal beliefs and implications, you may hear that phrase and be thinking of Christmas, Easter, Passover, Chanukah, Ramadan or Yule. But not me. I'm talking about something more important. More sacred. More ... errr... important. I'm talking about Superbowl Sunday which is now upon us.
Trite, you may ask? Frivolous? Hardly. The importance of this day goes far beyond football. You see, this is a time which comes only once per year when America can put aside its many petty differences. It is a time to abandon the hate some of us may feel for others based on their religion. It's a time to set aside the hate which may consume us over the color of people's skin or the cut of their hair. It's a time to eschew the hatred we might harbor for our fellow man because they are a Democrat or a Republican - a conservative or a liberal - a male or a female.
In short, it's time for us to come together and hate each other for no other reason than whether or not we support the New England Patriots or the New York Giants. And that, my friends, is a hatred which I believe we can all come together on.
Oh... and if any of you support the godless Patriots, you all suck phallus flesh in the ninth circle of hell.